My parachute has opened and the view is good!

Words can't describe how I am feeling. I forgot what it is like to really have a connection with someone. Vanessa completes me. We have been friends for a couple of years. We found out that we have liked each other for about a year and I am soooo happy the I made a to ask her out. We have been going out for a short while, but it seems like I have known her for a lifetime. I absolutely feel grateful! I love everything about her. Her great sense of humor, her laugh, her smile, her eyes when she looks at me. So is so beautiful too...I mean the total package, she has it. I feel like I can be romantic with her. I can't be any happier. I <3 you V.

WTfucking F

Holy fucking shit I am going through some serious fucking shit. As a Marine, I mask it well and nobody has a clue except when I go ape shit when I play Call of Duty.

What has been fucking with me right is how god damn cruel  and unfair life can really be. mandi is the one that fucking cheated, and yet she get the house, the kids, and will more than likely get a relationship before me. I FUCKING HATE HER! I wont to kill that bitch sometimes. Being her "friend"is the hardest thing I have ever had to to. I can tell you this, after the divorce is settled I am going to do two things.

One, not be her friend. She needs to be punished.
Two, get that bastard she fucked fired from his job.

Then maybe I will feel better and she will have her much needed redemption.

As for Sam, I am still waiting for God to do something about it, but the fact is God won't. He won't do a thing to him or her without it having some negative affect on me or the kids. You that is why I don't go to church. He refuses to help me. The worst I ever do is swear.

Then you get holy rollers up here like Chris Lavidas who love to preach about God's love. FUCK YOU CHRIS! You daddy is a millionaire, you have good looks, and now a pretty girl friend. You got a free fucking ride mother fucker. I hope you never preach to me. I will show you what the world can to do a person. I had to be a fuckin marine, shoot at mother fuckers, risk my life to go to college, have a cheating whore of a wife whom I FUCKING TRUSTED! FUCK YOU!!!!! and guys like you that get handed everything to you on a silver fucking platter.

It has been a long time since I felt like I wanted to kill somebody..........
I may need to move away before I do something stupid.

Troubling time????

I am hitting a downer right now, probably due to the fucking weather. I hate Chicago SO MUCH. I would give anything to move the fuck out of here and go south. Anything, but be homeless and jobless.

It just surprises me have fast these girls now-a-days go from man to man. Melisa didn't work out, so said that she was looking to take things slow this time around, but now she already had a boyfriend LOL. Fucking women never know what they want. Fucking sucks that chicks can get a boyfriend anytime they fucking want. God damn bitches. I really can stand white girls. Most of them are whores.

Ok got that out of my system.........

On a somewhat positive note, Joyce invited me to go with her to her sister's wedding in a couple weeks. If I had to chose with everyone I date in the last 3 weeks, it would be Joyce. She has a good since of humor and we have the best conversations. Not to mention, she is beautiful! She coming to Woodfield mall today U have to watch the kids.....again.

I really wish I didn't have to be a parent. I really, really wish I didn't have kids with Mandi. I am feeling a little bit of hate right now for her. This comes and goes, but what do you expect, I caught her with another guy. Still wanna kill that mother fucker, but also not sure I should thank him too? My life is just SO fucked up right now. I have to deal with her the rest of my fucking life cause I have kids with her.

So, God? Are you gonna help me. I need girl I can trust and need more money.

Another new day

Well, look like I had Joyce pegged wrong. Good thing I didn't write her off. I told her that I would like to take her to dinner sometime and she said that that's nice of me and that we can do whatever. I fucked up a little though. She asked on Facebook who want Korean BBQ, and I jokinly said "me me me". She then reply with an invite, but I didn't check facebook I decided to work out and then eat. Bummer, cause I think she is a bit pissed at me. She'll get over it.

In the mean time I have a 22 yr old that wants to see Avatar with me next week, and then there is the Thai girl that is 26 who chatted with for last night for an hour. She is cute too. I am having some good success at this. Lets not forget Irene, she is 21, a bit big for my taste and like to party. She has a cute face and seems like a positive person.

Tonight there is a chance that Joyce will hang out with me, but not to good weather here right now, and she may be mad? Don't really understand though...we didn't make any formal plans?

I would like to go out again with Joyce.

On another note I am tempted to join adult friend finder. It has been a very long time since I have had sex and I can barely contain myself.

As for other things.....

I am getting a lot of side jobs, so much so that I may decide to go into business for myself. Keep the overhead low and not rent a building, just go the clients house to do the work.