Post 5: Feeling good

Getting on my rant using this blog as a vessel to expel my feeling has been really paying off! Also, getting my paxil refilled helps too.

So if you are wondering, I had a change of heart and didn't go on Saturday. I didn't feel the need to for some reason. I decided to work on the house and then hang out with my family.

I owe it to myself to clear some things up.

Mandi only hooked up with Sam after I had been gone for three months. I still think she used VERY poor judgment to get drunk and sleep with him just to feel better about herself. But, I am trying very hard to let the past be the past. It will eat away at me if I can't let it go.

I sometimes want to go to Sam Lazar's house and pound the shit out of him. But, Mandi did confess to me that she told him we were separated and was trying to "get together" with him. Part of me still wish I did do something, but a criminal record is the last thing I need, and at the time I was already served and didn't want to jeopardize my rights to have my kids after the divorce.

We men sure get the shit end of the stick when it comes to divorces.

Well, I have decided for now that I will just let life guide me along. However, as for opportunity, that is something I can't say till it actually lands in my lap.

Funny thing, I started going out with a girl (I can't even remember her name anymore LOL) who seemed cool after the Sam incident. I guess I forgot to update my Myspace  to "single" or something cause she flaked out on me. She even asked me if I wanted to she her again and if I would call. So that's why it is funny, cause if I hooked up with her, I probably would be divorced by now.

Mandi has been good with taking her meds for depression (like me) and has been better about helping with house cleaning. So, for now things are ok.

I am blessed that I have such good friends like Scott and Jim to talk to. Scott watched my son for a couple hours a day. He is do good with Zack. I hope that good guys like Scott find nice girls. But, we all now that girls like to hook up with assholes cause they perceive being a asshole as confidence. Then they wonder why they can't find guys like Scott and Jim.